THE CHALLENGE OF MARRIAGE

IKA WEEKLY – There is however, this problem of the psychology of power, another sources of frequent quarrels and fights. The peculiar position of the man as the head of the family makes him want to lord it over his wife. Men in this class very often take to brute force over issues that are relatively unimportant, just to prove their superiority.

           

Again, this should not be the case. Marriage is not a servant and master relationship, but a partnership of equals. This pattern was recognized a long time ago, even at the time of the apostles as shown in Saint Paul’s letter to the Ephesians in Ephesians 5:21, which says, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. “Speaking to husbands and wives. Saint Paul simply meant that as equals, each one should respect the others sovereignty.

           

But for the smooth running of any association, there must be a head, and that is why tradition and culture chose the husband as the head of the family. This stand was recognized and supported by biblical injunctions as clearly stated in Ephesians 5:22-32; “wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the home as Christ is the head of the church.” Therefore, any house where the husband and wife set aside this customary law and also refuse the biblical advise of St. Paul, will be a house, which will not have peace.

           

Why really do adults in a marriage union fight? Are these persons mentally unbalanced or is it just the usual case of human failings characterized by jealousy, prejudice and selfishness?

           

There are many couples whose family backgrounds could be areas of conflicts. If the parents of a wife happen to be wealthy, whereas those of the husband are poor, the wife should not regard her marriage as condescension and therefore, look down on her husband. If she does, it is bound to raise serious controversies, which will lead to constant skirmishes and fights because of personality clashes. On the other hand, the man whose educational achievements are much higher than that of his wife, which is usually the case, should not for that simple reason treat his wife as inferior and therefore, his slave.

           

Earning power too, can be a factor for clear cases of human failings because of the imperfect nature of human beings. If any man will devote a little time to study and understand his wife, he will observe that her offences are not issues he should attach undue importance to. Why? Because he himself has his own failing which his wife will have to endure also. This, therefore, is a case of “scratch my back, I scratch your back,” which makes for a beautiful symbiotic living. This type of mutual concession is what living in marriage ought to be; give a little of your patience to absorb the occasional poor behaviour of your partner.

           

On the other hand, if only the woman truly understands who she really is; that she was created the exact opposite of the aggressive and adventurous man, that she is a domesticated comforter by creation, an unequalled doctor of ailing bodies and sagging spirits, that God made her a refined finished product, to take the rough edge off the rough man and compliment his many inadequacies, then she will be better disposed to develop a warm personal relationship with her husband. A condition that will not only cancel out quarrels and fights in her home, but will also make for a happy family life.

           

What have I said?

           

That as human beings, we are imperfect persons. And as imperfect humans, we must make mistakes and these will definitely lead to disagreements now and again. But as adults, as consenting matured married persons, any time these disagreements crop up in our various homes we should never allow them to degenerate into fights.       

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