Dear Teresa
I am gradually losing my wife because my love for her is dying as a result of the problem which I don’t think I can bear anymore. The painful thing is that since we married about thirteen years ago, I have loved my wife with all my heart and now she has betrayed that love. To make matters worse for me, we have three children that we both adore and cherish. Since we married, we have always had a good sex life and we have never had any problem with sex. Which is why I was terribly shocked when I discovered that my wife had an outside boyfriend. And ever since the discovery, I have been terribly devastated and disorganized. My unhappiness is such that talking to her now is repulsive. And of course, we have not had sex in the past two months since I discovered this ugly incidence, because I cannot bring myself to touch her. Even though many people are saying that I shouldn’t divorce her because of this one mistake, but as far as I am concerned, this is the most horrible mistake any housewife can make. My pity for our innocent children who do not understand what is going on, is the only reason why we are still living under one roof. But how do I sort out this problem.
Johnbull Anwulika
Boji-Boji,
Agbor.
Dear Johnbull
Adultery in marriage is bad and you have a justifiable reason to be angry. But in your own case, it is possible your wife was lured by circumstances of life into making an honest mistake. A spontaneous but unusual male at traction could have led her into an unplanned one stand fling that stock in her throat like a fish bone. Even though this does not excuse the mistake, it will translate to immediate regret and remorse now that she has realized the enormity of her sexual misadventure, and she will not dare commit such an offence again. Therefore, viewed from this angle, it makes the offence pardonable. Or is your wife passing through a crisis in her life? Even if you say you have a good sex life, there are other problems that could weigh your wife down. Do you know of any problem? If you do not bother about such things, the man who is able to fish out her problem and helps to calm her frail nerves, will draw out her emotional support to his own benefit. This can lead your wife into adultery. On the other hand, it is possible that she is bored with the mechanical, routine type of sex in her home. If she is afraid to introduce any other variety because you will call her names or suspect the source of her knowledge, she can seek sexual excitement outside her home. Again, even if this is not a credible excuse, it is a good reason to justify your taking a second look at your sex life in your home, if you want to save your marriage. The monotony of one type of sex pattern can kill the joy and emotional excitement it is supposed to give both of you. Finally, if you are satisfied that your wife regrets the lapse, then you must find in your heart to forgive her. This request is a painful one to comply with, but to err is human, and as human beings, we all make mistakes. For the sake of your innocent children, forgive her and get on with your life. Once you have forgive her, time will heal the wounds.
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